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On June 22, 1996, Daryl and Lora Sidwell became the proud parents of Cole Michael Sidwell. He tipped the scales around the ten pound mark.Cole was first in many ways for the family. Not only was he the first child for Daryl and Lora, he was the first grandchild for the grandparents (Lyman and Marilyn Sidwell and Susan Welch). Which of course means that he was the first nephew for Stephanie Sidwell, Gilbert Welch and me.
We were all there that morning. The excitement was amazing. We all anxiously waited as Daryl and Lora began the labor process. As soon as he was born and weighed, we realized "Daryl Jr." was born.
For the next two years, Cole was the center of our world. There wasn't anything that we wouldn't do for Cole. He brought so much happiness to all.
I moved to Arkansas in March of 1998 for work. It was a great career move; however, the sacrifice that came with it was all of my family was in Illinois. I love being an aunt; motherhood never has appealed to me. Honestly, I'm too selfish to be a mother.
On May 22, 1998, Clay Mitchell Sidwell was born. Cole and Clay were like two peas in a pod, yet very different from one another. You'll learn more about Clay in a later blog.
Living in Arkansas makes keeping up with the family hard. I tried keeping up with the boys via the telephone, but like most little boys they had better things to do than talk to their aunt on the phone.
Christmas, or the occasional trip to Illinois, was my time to really catch up with Cole and Clay. We would go to lunch and the toy store (Wal-Mart). In the last few years, it was easier to get them to talk on the phone.
On May 22, 2008, my first nephew, Cole Michael Sidwell died unexpectedly due to a twisted bowel. It may have been congenital or it may have happened in the week before his death. A twisted bowel causes an obstruction, which then causes the tissue of the intestines and bowel to deteriorate causing the body to fill with toxins.
Click here to learn more about bowel obstruction.
I find that I can talk about the day he died, but I struggle to write about that day whether in a journal or here. What I can write, is that on that day what was "normal" to me changed.
My memories of Cole and my time with Cole and Clay
- Cole, the little comedian, would act like he was Clay when I would call. I fell for it over and over. He was very whitty.
- During one of our calls, he started by telling me school is fine; no, I don't have a girlfriend and so on. He had a great memory and knew what I typically would ask him about.
- We built a tent out of blankets one night when he stayed at our house. We were going to sleep in it, but my back couldn't take it and he wanted to sleep with Grandpa Lyman and Grandma Marilyn.
- He was a little hunter, so occassionally I would get to hear about his hunting trips. He was a good hunter, so he had great concentration and aim.
- He had freckles galore (much like Daryl did at Cole's age).
- At times he wouldn't show his teeth when he smiled because he was self-conscious of the gaps. He was too young to realize all the famous people with a gap in their teeth.
- I took Cole and Clay to see Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events because Cole wanted to see it. I remember asking Cole if we should leave because the movie was somewhat scarey and Clay was around six years old. He thought it was fine. We had popcorn, candy and soda.
- Our lunch outings usually took place at Burger King because BK has one of those big ball pits for kids. After lunch we would head to Wal-Mart and buy some toys - not that they needed toys. One time I let them decide how much I should give them to spend - I was trying to teach them to negotiate - and Cole said $10. I had decided they could each spend $20, he was bummed when I let him think that since he said $10 that's what they would get. Needless to say, they each got $20.
- When he started getting interested in music he told me he liked Eminem. I was shocked.
- I loved hearing Cole and Clay "tell on" one another about the little girls they liked or the little girls that like them. I'm sure he would have grown up to be a player.
For now those are the things remember about my time with Cole or Cole and Clay.
His death is something that we are all coping with in our own way. Different things trigger our emotions. Back-to-school was an unexpected hard time for me. When I opened the e-mail from Daryl and Lora of Clay's first day of school, I just lost it. And for the next few days, it was like he had died all over again. I wasn't used to seeing Clay without Cole.
When I get down about Cole's death, I do my best to think about the time I did have with him. I wish I could have seen him through all the typical milestones in ones life, but that's not the reality.
And, ironically I feel that he gives me strength. I'm blessed to have had him in my life.
